im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
