just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
