sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
