I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
