only if we run a train.
done.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
