..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
