i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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