Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
