well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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