When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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