I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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