Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
