Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
