i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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