So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
