All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
