omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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