cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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