you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
