i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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