I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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