Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
