Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
