he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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