omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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