Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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