Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
how drunk are you?
Several
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
