summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
