I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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