I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
