i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
