can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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