PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
