dude i'm inner monologue high
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
