I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
