I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
