a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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