you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize