would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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