You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
