that's an acceptable place to lick
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize