Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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