I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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