Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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