It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
