You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
