I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
