i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
