I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
