An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
