I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize