i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
