well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
