how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
