i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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