3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
