before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
