You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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