Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
