pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
