he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
