When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize