NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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