Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
