I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize