Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
