No stitches, just platelets and will power
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
