They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I understand Curling. That high.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
