U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
