Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
