highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
