i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The adults are the big ones right?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
