After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We need to rekindle our bromance
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
