i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i think my cat just said my name.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize