girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize