You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
