in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize