guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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