Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
