And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
