If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
