She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
