help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
