i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize