peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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