I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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