Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
