I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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