Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
