I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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