also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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