I wish my penis had an off switch
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize