So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
