i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
