I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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