Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
