I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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