Me too!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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