actually, I'm a sock model
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
