It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
