The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
