Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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