I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
