So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
tell me about the fingering
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