saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize