Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
