i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
